My Feelings
by Chris Emrys
Summary: Emotions always ate at Satoshi, a deep sadness that he never showed. Up until Pikachu caught him during one of his weak moment. Heart to heart with his best friend lead to an unexpected-but quite welcomed-end.


_I can't quite believe I forgot to publish this here... Anyway, this small one-shot is just me playing with one idea of 'what if' behind Satoshi's will to travel. The idea itself could be placed anytime in Satoshi's canon, but due to one certain detail, the one-shot itself happens after Jouto. EDIT: It is purposeful that when exactly is not mentioned, but whatever you would like to think, safely assume Satoshi and Shigeru are at least 15 (be it because travelling was way longer than you first believe, or because simply enough years have passed since Jouto)._

_**Japenese to English**: Blacky = Umbreon  
**Warning:** None, but rated M just because sexual activities are implied at the end.  
**Pairing:** Shigeru/Satoshi_

* * *

_**My Feelings**_

Arms tightly wrapped around his knees, Satoshi felt his own tears fell down his cheeks. He heard the worried call of his beloved Pikachu, and he raised his head while attempting a smile. He had not meant for Pikachu to see, for Pikachu to learn about the deepest secret of his human best friend.

"I-I'm fine Pikachu. It's... nothing."

"Pikapi!"

The protest made Satoshi cringe, as he knew he had been unconvincing. "P-Please, Pikachu..." He shook his head. "Even to you... It's just so-" He bit his lips, before adding, "Shameful."

Pikachu tilted his head, and licked at Satoshi's fingers. "Pi..." He offered his Trainer a smile, nudging his hands with a look of understanding, of compassion.

Satoshi let out a small laugh. He should have known that Pikachu would not allow Satoshi to hide what pained his heart. He had known, and it had been why he had hidden this one sorrow-up until now.

"You sure, partner? You want to hear about _that_?" The way Satoshi said the last word betrayed he really thought it was a secret that could change Pikachu's view on Satoshi. Still, the yellow mouse nodded with determinate eyes. "Alright... It's about Shigeru... Me... And being a Trainer."

Pikachu's ears twitched, listening. He tilted his head, curious.

Satoshi let out a sigh. "You know we used to be friends, right? He and I?" Pikachu nodded. "He was the one who first talked of being Pokemon Master. It sounded nice, though at that time I was not as eager as he was. I... I still don't know why, but at one point he started being mean to me. Pushed me away. I... think he realized I was not good enough for him."

Pikachu frowned at how Satoshi said that. Did he believe this? Had he always believed this? But he let Satoshi continue.

"And I realized there was only one way I could show him I was. I focused on the idea of being a Trainer, a Pokemon Master. I thought... If I was strong enough, he would see me differently, that I... would be worthy of... his l-love."

Pikachu's ears lowered sadly as he understood what exactly ate at Satoshi's heart. His best friend was in love with Shigeru! And apparently, for a long, long while!

Satoshi dropped his head back on his knees, and Pikachu put his paws gently on his legs, making a sad coo.

"I came to love all of this, training, making friends, capturing Pokemon. B-But... I was never good enough. No matter what, Shigeru has always been better. I know it, there's no denying it. I-I still wanted to try... But then he decided to become a researcher."

A sniff came from Satoshi, making Pikachu lick his fingers again as he listened with a breaking heart the pain hidden in his Trainer's heart.

"I... What should I do? He... He's always been my driving force. I-I can't just... abandon you guys, but... I-I love him so much, but he can be nothing more than my friend!"

Pikachu nuzzled his legs, feeling himself crying a bit from Satoshi's distress. There was so many things Pikachu wanted to say, so many things he could point out to show that not only Satoshi had been wrong in his reasoning, but also that he still could do something.

Alas, there was too much to say and not enough way Pikachu could. And he could see, could hear, could sense how deep into Satoshi's hearts all these feelings and thoughts were.

A movement caught Pikachu's attention; and then hope blossomed. He stared, pleading, and took comfort in the slow nod, of the shared sadness of crying emerald eyes. Pikachu wanted to stay by Satoshi's side, but like a certain dark furred Pokemon, he knew that their human partners needed to be alone.

Satoshi was too lost to hear Pikachu and another Pokemon leave, too lost to realize someone quite human was kneeling in front of him.

Satoshi could not miss when a gentle hand removed his hat. Satoshi stiffened, then trembled as hands softly came to rest on his shoulders. "Satoshi..." A well known voice whispered his name.

The raw emotions in this voice betrayed he had heard everything. The same raw emotion made Satoshi look up despite his fears, made him look up because of his sudden hope.

"S-Shigeru-"

A hand raised to cup Satoshi's cheek as emerald eyes softened in both sadness and...

And... Love?

Brown eyes widened as emerald eyes closed, Shigeru leaning closer and closer until their lips met. Quite disbelieving, Satoshi screwed his eyes shut, pressing back with hesitation, shyness. His while body shivered from the sensation of the soft lips on his own.

Strong arms wrapped around his form, pushing him against a firm chest. Shigeru leaned back slightly, opening his eyes midway to gaze right into Satoshi's own eyes. "... I love you." The auburn haired smiled sadly at the wide eyed unbelieving gaze he was subjected. "I-I always did. It scared me... when I was younger. That's why..."

That was why he had acted the way he did. It had become obvious.

Shigeru closed his eyes once, a tear falling. "I... I'm sorry. I... I caused you this pain."

Satoshi's heart skipped a beat as everything finally registered, as the meanings fell on his mind-and heart.

It was Shigeru's turn to widen his eyes as Satoshi leaned forward suddenly, pressing another kiss to his lips. He recovered soon enough, tightening his arms around Satoshi's body. Satoshi's hands clutched at his shoulders, curling into the fabric of his shirt.

Shigeru lost himself into the kiss then, one arm tight around Satoshi's waist, pushing him closer; while his other hand crept into Satoshi's hairs. He threaded his fingers into the raven locks, taking pleasure into the small moan that escaped Satoshi's lips as he used the small grip of Satoshi's hairs to pull his head back slightly.

His tongue darted out to lick at Satoshi's lips then, feeling himself smirking a tiny bit as Satoshi gasped-allowing entrance. The kiss turned more passionate then, Shigeru smouldering Satoshi's body against his, his tongue meeting its counterpart, his fingers sliding under Satoshi's shirt to feel the skin of his waist.

Hearts beat faster, thundering in their chest as Shigeru pressed himself fully against Satoshi, a shudder running down his spine as he felt Satoshi's legs on either side of his waist-the only way to allow Shigeru's body to be so close. The need for air forced them to break apart, but their eyes were ignited with the fire of long repressed love, of the desire to finally be able to express their love for each other.

Shigeru smirked. "Thank Arceus Blacky and Pikachu left."

Satoshi blushed. Still, he did not protest, only followed, as Shigeru dove down to kiss him again, all the while pushing him **down**.

And it was then that Satoshi and Shigeru were finally able to share everything between each other.

_The end._


End file.
